Burning out or Burning Up?

If you’re applying to graduate school (especially a PhD program), chances are you have heard the term ‘burn out’. The definition of a ‘burn out’ is when a student experiences extreme mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion (academicpostions.com). A student who is experiencing burn out will undergo fatigue, low motivation, inability to focus, and a decrease in their normal level of performance (academic positions.com). Did you know that graduate students experience depression and anxiety at 6 times the rate of the general population (academic positions.com)?

I wrote this forum to create a much needed safe space to discuss the experiences of burnouts, while bringing attention to the mental resilience that grad students are asked to undergo each and every day.

My colleagues and I have described this term ‘burn out’ as if it's the destruction of a career: an overhanging cloud, omnipresent and looming on the horizon. I- personally- have internalized this idea of ‘burn out’ as an unexplainable event which could happen to others, but never to me. Why? I am not sure, but I had the schema that ‘burn out’ was a state I didn’t have the luxury of feeling. I felt that since I was given the resources most weren’t, I had to work so much harder to achieve my goals and continue to push through the depressive periods. Despite the constant late night writing sessions, hours of isolating research, and nauseating coffee induced anxiety attacks, I would tell myself ‘you are not experiencing a burn out you're just lazy right now’ or ‘just have another stimulant and you will finally have the motivation to finish that conclusion.’

Why am I so scared of this idea of a burn out? Why do I think of it as a career ender rather than a normal ‘low period’? Why am I so determined to push myself to my mental limits and cause myself more harm in order to push past it, rather than address my feelings and validate them?

I propose that we- grad students, academics, and the public alike- reexamine how we conceptualize the stereotypical ‘burn out’ victim. Through my journey with nvz, PhD and grad applications, studying for and taking the GRE, as well as finishing my last semester at school, I want to admit that I experienced burnout. I had trouble focusing, my research was suffering, and each morning it got harder and harder to get myself out of bed and conduct my routine. The ‘depression cloud’ seemed to be always looming- often raining- right over my head! Projects and papers, which in the beginning of the semester I was beyond excited to start, all of a sudden became an humongous burden, a chore. I was ashamed, scared, and afraid that if I was experiencing ‘burn out’ during my masters that it was a sign I could never thrive at the doctoral level. Now, I think that addressing my burn out, both publicly and privately, makes me more capable to thrive at a higher level: I have learned resources that have helped me recenter myself and rediscover my passion for the Ancients.

I propose we rethink ‘burn out’ to mean not a career ending phenomenon, but rather a fixable, normal phenomena that students of all levels (undergrad, masters, and doctorate) undergo several times throughout their experience. I was a burnout, and I will be a burnout again. This doesn’t make me less motivated, less intelligent, or less capable, but rather it makes me a human that was simply pushing myself too hard.

Since my ‘burnout’ during my last semester of my History Masters, I have begun to understand that taking care of my mental health and my physical health are just as important to my future in the academic world as my research is! I plan to upload various sources that have helped me reconceptualize ‘burn out’ and those which have educated me how to prevent and recover from a burn out period. Please check out such sources on my website under the ‘mental health’ tab! I will upload them ASAP and continue to add to them as I continue to learn.

I want this forum to represent a digital safe space, where students can connect with others and normalize this term ‘burn out’. Please share your stories, struggles, as well as resources and techniques you use to keep yourself sane during your journey through academia. I look forward to hearing about your personal resilience, your experiences, and I hope we can all bond and create a support system for current and future academics!